Peak bubble rockets this week

Welcome back to another episode of The Price Is Right: Galaxy Edition, the show where regular people guess what a rocket company is worth and the answer is always more than you thought and also somehow more than that.

This week’s big showcase: SpaceX goes public. And not just goes public the normal way. Goes public targeting as much as $86 billion, easily crushing every IPO record in history. Come on down.

But SpaceX is not even the only one with their hand out this week. Google raised $85 billion for AI. Meta saw that and started lining up to do the same. And then Elon, who has never once in his life been fine with second place, filed to raise $86 billion. One billion more than Google. Because the rocket has to be bigger.

Anthropic raised $65 billion last week at a valuation of nearly $1 trillion, leapfrogging OpenAI. OpenAI had already raised $122 billion earlier this year. Every tech company on earth is raising money for AI right now like they all got the same group text saying the sale ends at midnight.

This is the part of the episode where the audience loses its mind because the prizes just keep coming.

And now SpaceX. Word is that investor demand has already hit $150 billion, about double the $86 billion on offer. Nobody official is confirming it. But someone with something to gain definitely wants you to believe it. That’s like lining up for a ride that isn’t built yet and paying double the ticket price because someone said it might go to space. It might literally go to space. That’s the thing.

Fidelity, which originally required a $500,000 minimum account balance to access the IPO, slashed that threshold down to $2,000. They just opened the velvet rope and waved everyone in. Come on down. Come on down. Everyone come on down. Your cousin who day trades on his lunch break is now eligible. This is fine.

Musk is reportedly allocating up to 30% of shares directly to retail investors, at least three times the typical amount. Why? Because a shareholder is more likely to become a Starlink customer. You are not an investor. You are a customer who also gets to pay for the privilege of being a customer. Warp speed ahead.

And what exactly are you buying? You are buying Elon. All of him. The rockets and the satellites but also the lawsuits, the debt, the broken promises, and the 2am posts. He has never met a deadline he couldn’t miss or a business he couldn’t complicate. But the man can sell a vision like someone who got high, watched one too many sci fi movies at 3am, and has been quoting them wrong ever since.

Oh and also space data centers. Literal data centers. In space. Nobody has built one yet but Elon promises he can do it. This is in the actual filing.

Now. Let’s zoom out. Because it is important to understand the full picture of the timeline we are somehow in.

The largest IPO in human history hits the market Friday. Google just raised $85 billion. Meta is lining up behind them. OpenAI and Anthropic are both racing toward a trillion dollar valuation. Every major tech company on earth needs more money for AI right now, simultaneously, with urgency. And on Sunday, there is a UFC fight on the South Lawn of the White House. For Trump’s 80th birthday. Totally normal stuff. Trump has also floated the idea of just never taking down the giant lighting structure they built for it, comparing it to the Eiffel Tower.

This is peak bubble. This is the thing historians circle with a red pen. This is the moment someone points to and says there, right there, that’s when the vibe check failed completely.

Your cousin is refreshing his Fidelity app with $2,000 and a dream. Musk will control 82% of the voting power and every decision that follows. You get the risk. He gets the rocket.

To boldly go, they say.

Live long and profit.